I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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