you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
