You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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