you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
