just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
