my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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