her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
