He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
