I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i dont even know how to be here
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
