Porn is love you can see.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
