Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
