She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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