everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
