i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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