i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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