The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
