I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
