my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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