Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
