Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
