I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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