so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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