Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
