how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
