Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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