So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom said you looked used
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize