I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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