sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you had me at cake vodka
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
