she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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