Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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