If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it glows. i had to have it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
