Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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