he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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