people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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