He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The air taste purple.
Randomize
