your parents love me but you hate me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
