I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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