boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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