She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
