nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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