I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
