I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
there is glitter all over my balls
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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