I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wear drunk well.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
