I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
