When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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