Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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