I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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