did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
