someone owes me an orgasm
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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