He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
