There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
