The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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