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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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