those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
