There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How