I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight