So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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