I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.