the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?