you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.