Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
