You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
