I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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