I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
