You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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