I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
