she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dicks are not precious.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
