I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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