Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
