I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
