Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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